Another great series opens! All hail the return of the greatest language-mangling and all-round cretinism show on British television – the brilliant, the sublime, the nonpareil The Apprentice!

• “I was trained by Al Gore and personally taught by Bishop Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama”.
• “Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon.”
• “Is that an orange?”

And still 11 episodes to go!